Tuesday, February 5, 2013

With this blog, the purpose was always to write what I was feeling, going through.

Lately, I have shorted myself and kept back a lot of what I am feeling and what I have been going through. Shame on you, Krista. get ready for a complaining , whiny post

Throughout my life, I have had a lot of change. Been through a lot of things. Safe to say I still hate change.

You wouldn't know most of the time. My strength at work is resilient and adaptable. But, really am I?

When something happens, I have a hard time adjusting. I hate being out of my comfort zone, where I don't know the routines. 6 months ago I made the decision to leave behind my hometown, my family, my childhood friends and my job, to move in with the fiance. Ok, only an hour and a half away but it still feel likes much more. And call me a baby if you want, I would understand.

It was huge decision and I knew I wanted to do it. But it hasn't been easy and it still isn't easy. It was a decision I made for myself and our future but it is hard some days.

It's not easy having my closest friends to call up and meet up for dinner or lunch. I can't go out on a Friday or Saturday night with my friends when I work because it takes me an hour just to get to the ones that want to do something. That leaves a lot of nights where I'm stuck at home when the fiance goes out to play. Talk about a bummer.

And talking about my family makes my heart hurt. I grew up incredibly close to my extended family. Especially without my mom here. I saw them pretty much every week growing up and even before I left. Holidays were spent with them sharing laughs and random visits when I was down the road. And in my old town, that was a lot.

Now? I talk to them occasionally and I miss out on pretty much every holiday with them. I haven't seen most of them in the last 6 months and it's hard. Very hard. I know it's time to share and all that but being so far away makes it a lot harder to see my family.

They shared in so much of my life it seems strange they haven't been around the last 6 months for wedding planning. It takes a whole day or more to spend time with one or two of them. And forget the phone. We don't know how to use it sometimes. Myself included.

And the whole new job thing? Still getting used to that. It is much tougher in this neck of the woods. Less flexibility and less understanding. I am worked hard and my schedule sometimes makes it hard for a better work/life balance.

My paychecks remind me what I'm working so hard for but it's difficult when everyone else has their weekends and you're stuck at work. It's hard for other people to understand something they don't have to do and experience. Especially when deep down you know that diploma hasn't really helped you get all that far yet. *insert more bitter sentences*

And then let's talk about the lack of country I have here. I had no idea how to deal with rush hour traffic when I moved here. The only time I was late for work at my old place when I was stuck behind a tractor which was once in awhile. I didn't have to deal with rush hour in all its nonsense. And let me tell you, it is nonsense.

Forget about corn fields and trees. There are a few trees placed here and there. But nothing like the thick forests I'm used to. So basically, all around a culture shock.

At the end of the day, I have to look at what I DO have here. I have my fiance and Miss Lily. Our little family here. I chose this and I want this. I wouldn't go back to long distance either. That was rough too. 

It will take more time I guess. I'm just a country girl after all. Always have been and always will be. Check back with me in another 6 months...

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