The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God's will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God. 

Being able to share in a wedding is an amazing experience. Being able to see two people commit to each other has always been so wonderful to me. And then I got married. Now, weddings are a reminder of the promise I made to my husband. The vows I said to my husband and just how truly spectacular it is to be married and have a forever wedding date.

This past weekend I got to watch my friend, bridesmaid, sorority big sister say her vows and become a wife. It's such a wonderful thing that I was so excited to be able to see her and her husband take their vows. We might not always see each other but she will always hold a special place in my heart and I always want the best for her. 

They fed their cake so very nicely, there were some fun tunes, wine bottles on the table and a photo booth. Pretty much everything you could possibly ask for during a wedding.

Hearing the minister recite the better for worse, richer or poorer, reminded me, no matter the rough season we might be going through is not forever. We will be stronger because of these past few months and will look back in time and know, this was just a test. I mean after all, we can rock big glasses quite well. 

Independence in Marriage

I was always what you would call an independent gal. Cue the Destiny's Child. With a single mom, I had no choice but to step up and learn to do things on my own. I was cooking dinners when I was 12, bought my first car from my hard earned cash and know that I can do things on my own if I need to. I brought all of that into our relationship and it led to struggles in the beginning of me trying to balance this new person in my life that I had to rely on and lean on andjuggle our free time with friends outside of our relationship. We worked through it, I communicated my need for alone time and he let me know he liked his time out with the guys but our weekly movie nights too.

We knew our marriage would carry on much the same way. He does his things, I do my things. And we have our things together. Being married means you have your best friend always there to support you and love you. But that doesn't mean you and your spouse have to constantly be together for you to achieve happiness in your marriage. Maintaining your independence in your marriage is key to keeping your marriage strong and there are easy ways to make sure you keep it.

//Cultivate friendships
In the first year of marriage, Brian and I did a lot together. With my work schedule, it was hard to schedule in time with him and friends. Then as we went through the second year I realized we had forgotten how to spend time away from each. I didn't do lunches or dinners with friends. I didn't spend overnights without him. It's important to still keep your identities outside your marriage. That means nights out with the girls to act silly, laugh and not have any talk of sports or bodily functions.

//Have alone time
I'm sure you have heard the phrase, "Be alone with your own thoughts." It means taking the time to find who you are when you are by yourself. When you aren't a wife, mom, sister, etc. It could be a few hours to wear your ugly face mask not in front of your husband or maybe it's taking a trip by yourself. It's figuring out how to do things by yourself, making decisions by yourself with no one else's thoughts or opinions. If you think you hate being alone, think about what you would do without your spouse there or kids. Do that. Perhaps it's time to pick up a new hobby.

//Keep Your Hobbies
Comparing the number of hobbies I have now to how many I had before I got married, the number has dropped a little. As it should because I was living alone and had much more free time. But that doesn't mean I haven't held on to a few I love. This blog, for one has maintained a slow life throughout. I have picked up a DSLR in the past few years to learn how to use. And I still enjoy running. These are the hobbies I like to do on my own, but I still have hobbies me and Brian like to do. It's important to have somewhere to let you be creative and what you can upkeep in that alone time even if it's as simple as baking.

//DIY
The best part of having a husband is having someone do the hard stuff. Like kill bugs, if you need him to. It's also knowing that he is there if you need him but hanging all the shelves in the spare bedroom by yourself. Because you can. It's learning to do things yourself just in case you have to. Like putting air in your tires. Just throwing that one out there that it is important to know how to do that. Your husband does like to be needed but will also feel quite impressed if his wife can redo the whole living room while he was gone for the afternoon.

//Communicate
If you both schedule nights out and going here and there, it's important to check in every once in awhile. Is this schedule still working? Does one of you feel neglected or left out of the other one's life? Maybe one of you needs more time away. All of this is ok and normal, but you want to make sure to talk about these before they become huge issues in your marriage.

Independence in a marriage does not have to be a recipe for disaster or divorce. As long as it maintained properly, it is healthy for a relationship. It means knowing when your independence might put strains on your marriage, ie: scheduling girls/guy nights out with no where on the agenda for your own date night. Or blowing your savings on a week long girls trip to Las Vegas when you are trying to save for a house. With the right balance, independence in a marriage can make for a happy harmony.

How do you maintain independence in marriage?

Our Second Wedding Anniversary

Throwing it way back on this Thursday to our wedding anniversary. A week ago. I think it's already been established by blogging skills are a little behind. Meaning my weekend update takes place on a Thursday.

Let's start with taking you back through our second year of marriage. There were laughs, cries, whines, maybe even screams, big moments, little moments.

Since we just recently made a large purchase ( a new car!!!) it was decided to forego a mini vacation for our anniversary this year. Instead, we planned two day trips. 

On Saturday we had planned to go to the beach but the the weather forecast told us otherwise. Rain, rain, thunderstorms. We decided to go on a little movie date to see Aloha. Symbolic because Hawaii and I miss it. Plus, a nice romantic movie that my husband never usually agrees to. 

We had dinner at the location of my bridal shower and our rehearsal dinner. Some wine, sushi and pasta while reminiscing being there two years earlier. The best part is remember my homemade wine glass shattering in the parking lot. Good times. 

I like cheesy pictures. 

Gnocchi Bolognese

Sunday, our actual anniversary, we started with me making a run to Dunkin. Yup went fancy for breakfast. We talked got ready and took a trip to one of the best places to drink with a view in New Jersey, Laurita Winery.

Sipped on wine, ate a nice lunch and walked the grounds. It was a beautiful day out and couldn't have asked for better weather.

Hi husband. And glasses of wine.

America.

Yearly Anniversary Picture

Year three will include celebrating weddings, babies and a cruise! And that's just as far as we can see into the future for now ;) Here we go!

On Dating You

Love letters. Remember when those were a thing way back when? Now, it's texts or long Facebook posts. I guess even the letter has evolved to mean writing on a computer screen. For everyone to see.

I have seen some of Amber's letters to her husband for awhile now. I always loved the way she wrote to remember this time in their lives. I am excited to start writing the letters to my husband every month about us and who we are right now in this moment of our lives. We live in a condo, no kids, second year of marriage. A lot has changed in the past 5 years and a lot will change in the 5 years. It will be great to look back on these as our lives change.

Dear Brian,

Remember our first official dates? They were spent in a movie theater, in our rooms watching tv or a trip to the mall to grab some Blimpie, usually with Steph. We adjusted a bit and moved them over to Daly's dates where we munched on cheeseburger wraps and ice cream sundaes, just the two of us. It involved walking hand in hand to our classes, sometimes even the same one. Date nights thrown by Sig Ep were some of our best "nights out." At least for the college version of ourselves.

classic.

When we left college, dating became a little different. Being apart in a long distance relationship meant very few in person dates. Our dates were spending time talking on the phone watching a movie. Or just jabbering on about our lives. If it was your house, it was our favorite Olive Garden and a movie. I always looked forward to those simple dates. Those dates are what made me love action and superhero movies and even you, just a little bit more ;)

If you visited me, it involved spending time with Lily and travelling to our new favorite movie theater, the dine in movie theater. But those dates got a little old. I was exhausted, you were exhausted. It was time to make our dates be more routine by moving in together.

After the big move in together, we had to adjust to what dating was. It was great seeing each other every single day that the first few months we just enjoyed that. But we soon realized we still had to have our own version of date nights to mix up the every day. We would go out to Killarney's for a dinner or on a frozen yogurt date. With the wedding planning, it also included nights spent deciding on table assignments and honeymoon details. Remember all those times I would bug you while you were watching basketball? :)

Engagement Fun.

Dating has evolved in our marriage. Instead of dinner & movie nights out, we have dinner & movie nights in. Most of the time it's ordering in Chinese and sushi. Our dates involve little extra moments when we are doing everyday things. It's getting Chick Fil A before we tackle the last minute Christmas shopping. It's pumpkin picking, a day in the park and lounging on the couch with no where to go.

As we grow in our marriage and grow our family, I can't wait to see how our dating evolves. Stolen kisses in our future home, day dates with the kids and nights spent snuggled watching whatever cartoon movie we pick. I know I am so lucky to be able to date you before, now and always.



Oh, and if you want to take me on a super fancy date night every once awhile that wouldn't hurt either;)

Body Image: After the Wedding

Your wedding day. You worked so hard to get to that day looking your best. You munched on salads, tried crazy diets and avoided sweets for months to drop those pounds. Maybe even a slight stomach flu to help you drop those last 5 pounds.

After all of that, you looked amazing. The dress fit flawlessly and you pranced and danced all night, glowing in your new marriage and hot body. Because you are supposed to drop weight to be beautiful, hot on your wedding day, right? But after the wedding, after the pounds make their way back, comes a new body image struggle.

First, the honeymoon comes and all you want to do is eat carbs, french fries and all the fruity drinks. Your honeymoon is a celebration, a different universe where calories and pounds don't count. You worked hard for this body and a few days of bad eating habits won't change that.

Until the scale alarms you that you added those last 5 pounds back on when you return. You gasp. You cringe. Then remember, Mr. Stomach Flu helped you get there. In your eyes, it's a basic zero out. Still the same weight and you feel great. There is no way you can lose that amazing body that made you feel so amazing on your wedding day. But just in case, you go on a 3 day juice cleanse just to be sure.

Flash forward 4 months. Before you know it, you are up a good 6-10 pounds and that dress barely zips past your waist. You aren't quite sure if you want to try to make it fit by not eating or grab the nearest plate of brownies. And yes, I've tried mine on multiple times this past year to judge my weight gain. It was a good time to do a 7 day diet to lose a few pounds again.

The year anniversary rolled around. It was a tough pill to swallow that just a year later I had packed on a few extra pounds that were not welcome and not sitting well on my barely 5 foot frame. It made me feel gross, not pretty and beautiful. I felt gross for letting myself get to this place.

These are the pounds I see when I pull at my love handles. Pounds I see when I look at my floppy stomach. Pounds I see when I pour my now plumper booty into my jeans.

This past year, I have agonized over my weight. My new frame that I am fitting into as a new wife. I have tried new diets, tried new pills and just plain tried to kick these pounds away. All I could think about was how unhealthy I had become and what kind of wife that made me all because I had gained a few pounds in the wrong places. I didn't feel like my pretty wedding day wife self. And looking at these pictures, that's all I wanted back.

Wait just a minute.

Who gave these few extra pounds the power to make me feel not hot or pretty? Who gave these extra pounds the power to make me feel think I wasn't that happy wife from a year ago?

Instead, these pounds are because I cooked homemade meals for my husband most nights the past year. And the nights I didn't cook we ordered in and watched our favorite shows over some laughs. These pounds are because we spent less time exercising and more time enjoying each other. These pounds are the signs of a good first year of marriage where we enjoyed nights out with friends, yogurt dates and lots of sushi.


After you struggle for a year trying so hard to look your best on your wedding day, it can be hard to look back a year later and see the pounds have come back. Especially, when most of the time it was more crazy diets, crazy workouts instead of a healthy lifestyle. You feel like you failed yourself, your new husband and the future. It seems like an uphill battle from here on out.

Instead of looking back a year ago at your supposed "hot" self with the whittled waist and barely there love handles, look at yourself this year. After a year of marriage and how you sacrificed a few pounds for a happy, comforting first year of marriage. A marriage you had to nurture in the first year and that meant with date nights and skipped gym appointments. And for the record, I am sure your new husband still thinks you are beautiful even if all you see are flaws.

Look at those few extra pounds from the past year as a sign of a healthy start to what will be a wonderfully fulfilling marriage. And enjoy all the margaritas and sushi that you want.


Linking up with Juliette from The Other Juliette and Amber from Mr. Thomas and Me for body talk.

Our {First} Anniversary

It is still hard to believe our FIRST anniversary has already come and gone. We have been married a whole 365 days? No way.

We are so last minute with our whole lives that we booked this anniversary vacation 2 weeks before we went on it. But it was amazing nonetheless. And the perfect way to wrap up our first year. Enjoy the serious picture overload of our trip and anniversary.

Eat Cake and Universal

Surprising: The cake was actually still pretty good. A little freezer burnt on the icing but I was pleasantly surprised for my 6 am cake feeding.

Who knew we would end up at Mardi Gras on our anniversary?

And see Robin Thicke in concert?

Where This Journey Began, At Magic Kingdom

We just had to

New FantasyLand

Be Our Guest Restaurant for Dinner

Folks, I was seriously beside myself. We even went in a half hour before our reservations. I mean, I was there 3 years ago when they started building it. And Beauty and the Beast is my absolute favorite. I have the best husband who agreed to spend a day here. And even got the best seats, in the grand ballroom.

A rose.

The Grey Stuff..It was Delicious!

Harry Potter World

Once again, best husband. We were able to get breakfast at the Three Broomsticks and then tour Harry Potter World. I will admit, it was approxiamtely 100 degrees. And no, that isn't being dramatic. So naturally, it was hard for us Jerseyans that haven't been exposed to above 83 degrees on a consistent basis lately. We sat and waited for rides. Then sat again. 

The Harry Potter ride, is no joke. That is a serious ride that if you have the slightest aversion to motion sickness, do not go on this ride. I repeat, do not go on this ride. We saw at least 3 people head for the nearest trash can after we got off and Brian and myself were doing some serious dazed and confused moves as we left.

We didn't even sadly, get the picture of ourselves on the ride because we both looked sick and dazed. Not the cutest look I have had. 

MMM Pumpkin Juice

ButterBeer

And the husband got to enjoy himself in superhero heaven.

Iron Man *sigh*

Of course, there is a video that captures ALL the pictures from our trip. Feel free to indulge.




First Anniversary from Krista Moy on Vimeo.