Time to reflect

Friday, May 21, 2010

Upon going to Rider University's graduation this past Friday, I reflected back on the past year.

A year ago I was in that cap and gown listening to the speeches telling me I could go and do anything I wanted to do. There were endless possibilities.

Today I sit here, two part-time jobs and not where I envisioned the year after I graduated college. It is both frustrating and disheartening that I have not found a full time job. But at the same time I still try to be confident and know that I will do great things one day. It's coming. It has to. I am talented and I have a passion for what I do. There is an ultimate plan for where I am going and I just have to remember that everyday. 

At the same time, I have come a long way from a year ago in my personal life. After graduation, I entered a home without my mom that was a struggle for the first few months. Many tears were shed and many days it just seemed too much. I wouldn't say I have healed, I don't think I will ever completely heal but there is some peace now. 

I have been able to let go of my anger and remind myself everyday that even though my mom isn't here today, I had her for a wonderful 22 years. Those years were the best years and she was wonderful to me and made me who I am. Some children don't even get to have their mom for that long. The relationship with my mom was one of the best. She was my best friend that I told everything and she helped me with so much and I know many daughters still don't have that relationship with their mom. Being able to remember my mom and all those great memories I am very thankful for.

My relationship with Brian has grown immensely in a year. We have managed the long distance very well. Through emails, texts and of course phone calls we are still able to connect with each other. Some days it seems tough but then the next day we are both reminded of what we have and how special it is. He has held me up and helped me through the past year and past few years. I know that our relationship will still continue to grow and our laughter will still be there. I can't wait to see what the future has for us.

A wonderful addition to my life has been Lily.  Yes I am going to talk about my cat. She's a joy and a terror sometimes but definitely keeps me company. Plus, she makes me smile with just how odd she can be sometimes.

Friendships have strengthened and weakened this past year. There are those that have withstood the distance and time. Others just didn't seem to be able to stand the new life I have to live. Every one I am thankful for and have helped me through various parts of my life. Growing up is acknowledging that sometimes everyone isn't friends and THAT IS OK. Greek life teaches us to love each other and get along with each and be all roses and peaches. Real life, people aren't friends sometimes because their lives don't mesh or their personalities. There are no rules saying everyone have to be bff with each other. You be bff with the ones that get you through the hard times and help you enjoy the good times. Not the ones you see and talk to maybe once a year. Knowing this helps you grow and let go. That is what I have done. 

A year ago I didn't see myself here. But here is where I have ended up and I am going through it day by day. It's called a journey for a reason right?

-Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.- John F. Kennedy
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