When your spouse/significant other loses someone close to them, it can be hard to understand what they are feeling or going through. You might be at a lost on just how to help them through their grieving or what to say.

When I lost my mom, there were all the stages of grief present. Anger, hurt, resentment. It was Brian that was there and helped me through it and still has to help through some days. It can be hard to be in these shoes, there are certain ways though that you can help your spouse get through the grief.

Listen

Let your spouse talk about their loss and talk about the person. It will help to be able to share stories and upsetting moments to deal with the grief. Listen to them if they need more support than usual or maybe just time alone. 

Understand

When it comes to grief, there is no black and white on how to grieve. One day it might be sadness. Another day it might be anger. Another day it might be euphoria and going through all the childhood pictures. Grief can be dealt with in many different ways. Sometimes it will be the grief talking, don't take it personally.

Offer Help

When you know it might be hard time for your spouse, do some nice things to let your spouse know you are there. Take a chore off of their plate. Cook them an extra special dinner. If they snap at you, give them an extra hug. Helping them lets them know you acknowledge this is a hard time and want to help them out.

Be there for all the Coming Days
Days where they might wake up and just be sad that person isn't there. They will be at a loss when it comes to big moments in their life and on special occasions like birthdays, holidays, etc. It will get easier but will still be hard at some moments.

Communicate
It's good to ask how how the person is doing, if they need anything, just telling them you are there. Your spouse needs to hear that you are trying to understand what they are going through, know that it takes some time but you are there.

It can be hard for a husband/wife to understand the loss their spouse is feeling if they haven't been through it. And even if they have, everyone grieves in a different way. It's just important to make sure they know when things are hard, you will be there for them.

It's a Better, Hard Day

Today, I want to tell you about one amazing woman in my life. She was a warrior, sudden single mom that worked harder than she should have. She would sometimes yell, get mad but still always love with all of her heart.

This woman was the reason I worked so hard when I was just 15, just so she didn't have to. She showed me what it meant to work for what you have and be thankful. She showed me just how much it meant to have family instead of money.She was the reason I finished my college career, knowing she would never want me to give up on what I really wanted.

This is the day I lost this beautiful woman, my mother. Today will always be a hard day but it's a better hard day than years past. I remember her with more smiles than tears. With more hope that I can be that mom someday soon and know she will be there for me the only way she can be.

Love you, Mom.

Grief | It Just Hits You

You don't see it coming. There is no warning. It just hits you.
This time of the year it comes at you full force.
It could be the smell of a fresh tree or the laugh of children.
Maybe it's cooking a family recipe or the change in weather.
Whatever might trigger it, you can never be sure. It just hits you.


One minute you are laughing and singing your favorite song.
Then, it just hits you and you are overcome with immense sadness.
As much as you want to be ok, you want to smile and decorate the tree, you can't.
Because it just hits you and all you want to do is cry.
Cry at everything that is different. Cry because of everything missing.
You never know when it's coming.
It just hits you.
Grief.


The holidays are a bittersweet time for many people that deal with the loss of a loved one. It doesn't matter how long it's been, it's still hard.

This is my 6th Christmas without my mom and I still have moments where all I want is for her to be here singing Rockin Around the Christmas Tree with me. Sometimes they are expected moments of sadness. Putting up the tree, the shiny garland I wrapped around the staircase that she hated. But then there are moments that are unexpected. That it just hits me.

A few weeks ago, she appeared in my dreams. It was just when I started my new job and she was there for my baby shower, of all things (Not pregnant, even a little bit.) She was laughing and hugging me. That was a hard day when I woke up. I wanted that hug here. I wanted to hear her laugh again. That's what we might call a sad day. A day where it just hit me.

Then, there was yesterday. As I was cleaning out my car, I came across this.This small backpack.

It was tucked under my trunk blanket, probably left behind from the move...4 months ago...As I pull it out, right there, it just hit me. This was the very last Christmas present my mom ever gave me. Since she had bronchitis that Christmas she didn't get to the store and shop so instead gave me this bag she had gotten from Yves Roche as a free gift and wrapped money inside it. When I opened it, I threw up the money and made my mom laugh. One of those memories I will never forget.

IF you are experiencing this, this Holiday season, know you are not alone. Know that this is the path of grief. It never has an ending. It's ok to be sad, it's ok to still be grieving no matter how long its been. But also know, it's ok to laugh a little more and smile a little more than the last holiday season. Because just as those sad moments hit, know that those moments of pure happiness will hit you too. And those moments, will be the best comfort you could ask for.

The Thankful Project | Something You Know

I am thankful that I know after suffering a great loss, grieving someone helps you remember and heal. Remembering someone so close to your heart is something to embrace and enjoy even if it is in the craziest ways.

I am glad I can share my story with other people that might share the same grief or might be experiencing the same pain. Because I know. I've been there. My heart was broken and some days, the cracks of pain come back.

I know that people grieve in their own way and it does not make you weak or make something wrong with you. It makes you the strongest person to be able to cry and miss that person because you loved them so much. And I know, not everyone understands and not everyone ever will. But I know, I am not weak, I am strong.I miss my mom everyday. I know grief never ends but you will heal.

Mother's Day,Missing a Mom

It never gets easier. Easier to deal with? Yes.

It never hurts less when people ask you what your plans are for mother's day and you have to respond, "My mother passed away." And then the conversation becomes a little weird.

But I know I have healed when the conversations can turn positive again and when I don't have to hide out crying all day. I know even though I can't see my mother's resting place, she's in my heart.

And I still buy my mom a gift. Even if she isn't here, I purchase a donation to the American Cancer Society for the money that would have been spent on her. She loved this charity in honor of my grandmother. So I always like to do that for her.

Also, every year I look back on my posts from the previous year. This is why I love blogging. I can see how I felt last year and how I have grown. And I want to share with you my post from last year.

The past few weeks the emails, commercials and marketing tools for Mother's Day have been on and on. 

Four years later and it isn't any easier to hear or see, "Shower your mom with love." Or "Make sure to let your mom know how much she means to you this Mother's day."  Delete, mute, turn the corner.

I wouldn't say I'm bitter but I also wouldn't say I'm not. In a way I am bitter. Bitter that showering my mom with love means leaving flowers on her grave. Bitter that I can't call my mom on the phone or send her the flowers to show her how much she means to me. I just have to whisper it into the wind. 

But I'm also not bitter of the fact that I still have amazing other women in my life. Look at these women I get to send mother's day cards to. Women who are there for me and support me. 

And let's not forget I get to be a cat mommy to this cutie. Yes, I said that. 

You can read the full post here.

And if you are asking what you can do for someone that celebrates mother's day without a Mom or Father's DAy without a day...the answer is just be there. Be there for them whether it's a phone call, card or a quick text just to make them smile about something. Or picking up the phone when they call because you know they might be having a rough day. 

It's the little things that mean the most.

And I know someday I will have children of my own to celebrate this special day with where I will be able to tell them all about their wonderful grandma in Heaven. 

Those Moments.

You never when they are going to hit.

That's the thing about grief. It's a sneaky bitch. You think you might be ok and moving forward and then something reminds you that you aren't quite there yet. And how it's a constant journey that you are on for the rest of your life.

Those Moments.

When it's a feeling you get. Grief overwhelms you. You miss that person so much at that very moment.

Sometimes you can explain it. It might be triggered by a piece of jewelry or a specific place.

But there are times when it just hits you. You wake up missing that person as if you just lost them. As if your heart is freshly broken.

Or when with no warning, you just start the sobs and the ache in your heart is overwhelming.

It happened to me the other day. Over a Tigger cup of my mom's. A cup I have been using since she died so I see it at least once a week. But something about that day, that time, triggered something in me.

I couldn't control it and I didn't expect it. Lifting that cup out of the cabinet brought a wave of emotions that gripped my inner soul. I longed for my mom. I longed to talk to my mom at that very moment. But I couldn't.

That's the thing about these moments. You never know when they are going to happen. And they will always be there.

I'm sure there will be many more as I go through the next 2 months, 2 years, 20 years. Grief is never something you get over. It's always with you. Especially on the most important moments. 

Happy Birthday to the Sweetest Angel

Today is full of memories,
Happiness and tears, 
Of birthday celebrations
we've shared throughout the years.

And though I'll always miss you

The endless joy you brought

Warms my heart with gratitude

And fills my every thought.

Wherever you are resting,

I hope that you can see,

How precious and uplifting,

Your memory is to me.

I feel that you are with me

In everything I do

So I'll celebrate your birthday

But I'll spend it missing you.

Always miss you.

Always love you.

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Mom!

So I Went to a Medium...

That's right. My sister and I took the plunge and went to see a medium last weekend. Yes, the kind that speaks to spirits that have passed on.

(Anyone remember this show? My mom loved it...coincidence...I think not)

We have been wanting to go to one for awhile since my Mom left us so abruptly and so young. (She appreciates me calling her young I know ;)) There is a a lot of questions and times I just wonder where she went, how she's doing and what she thinks of my life. Am I doing ok?

We were given the opportunity when I went for my hair trial and my hairdresser told us the name of one that she knew. She raved on and on about this 'Carol.' So I knew it was a sign and we had to take the plunge and go. 

Before we went, I was very skeptical of the whole idea of a medium. Not sure where they actually get their information from, maybe my hair lady called Carol with all the information she needed. Or maybe she would just throw out vague terms and I would be giving the information. But I was also nervous that maybe it would be very real and the things that would come out. Either way I was excited. It's something new and different that many people don't do. Go us!

The session started off off with basic instructions and how this was going to go. She would do a meditation and then get into our reading. She did prepare us that what she might bring out might not be exact but around. For instance, dates could be within 7 days before or after. And names might be similar. 

Right away she said my mom was through very strong and she started to name everyone she is with up in Heaven. My grandparents obviously and a family friend too. Carol even called her quite the social butterfly because she kept naming people. Mom still making friends with everyone.

Then it just went on from there. Carol brought through that I always hung on my mom, truth. I was as shy as shy could come when I was little. I hated talking to people and being without my mom when I was younger. 

She said my mom still has my back. Comforting. Mom was always the one behind every step of the way no matter what. It has been hard not having her there. 

Carol even said she saw birthday balloons, my birthday had just passed. Mom was wishing me a Happy Birthday. My very first birthday spent without my mom was the year she died. You always spend your birthdays with the people you love and your best friends and she was always my best friend so there was no one better. It's been a bittersweet day but every year it feels better. 

Then she went into discussing princess. What was it? Who was it? Um, hello...my Belle obsession. Or maybe the girl, girl, girls?

Highlights from the reading 

(everything was coming 'through'

 what my mom was 'saying')

*See Girl, Girl, Girl. (Babies) Score! Maybe not a Rufio in our future?

*Told me not to worry about money, it will be ok...lottery win in my future?

*Brian and I will have a very close knit family with us and our babies...did I mention girl, girl, girl?

*Telling me to let go of control..Trying so hard...

*Telling me I need to get the car looked at...I'm currently 2 months past my oil change...thanks Mom.

Part of me believes fully, but in my true nature, I am still a little skeptical about it. Some of it was vague and she was asking me questions that I gave the answers to. ( Are you worried about money? Um, who isn't this wonderful economy?)

But I feel at ease after going. Like my mom was talking to me...real or fake. It is what you make it I believe. It comforts me knowing my mom is still being her crazy, talkative self up there. And that she told me it was ok to let go of my guilt because she wasn't in pain anymore. It will never bring her back to these special moments she is missing but it definitely gives some comfort. 

Final verdict

 If you have lost someone close to you and you feel like you never got any closure or it was too quick, do it. Or if you carry around a burden is that person is ok, do it. I am sure glad we went.

Do you Believe in Mediums?

Mediumship is defined as the practice of certain people—known as mediums—to mediate communication between spirits of the dead and other human beings.

There is one famous medium...I'm sure you have heard about or seen for yourself The Long Island Medium. And if you haven't, let me enlighten you.

The whole concept of a medium is still up in there air for me; I am a skeptic but I am not a non believer. I am not sure where the spirits come in and what information the person has to make up the stories. It all seems touch and go to me. My sister and I have talked about going to a medium before but we never really looked much into it.

My mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I have always wanted that last chat with her ask her a few questions if I could. Especially with the wedding coming up, I just want to know what she thinks, what she's feeling. It's a huge void not having her here giving her advice and opinions on my life. I know my sister has some unanswered questions and some answers she needs. 

We drug our feet until I found my hair and makeup gal for my wedding. We went to her for my trial and we were talking about my mom and she gave us a number for this medium that she has been to before and she had rave reviews for what she can do.

To me, this was a sign, a push to do this. So today is the day. I have a lot of emotions. I am still not sure if I believe all of this but I am nervous and scared at the same time. I am not sure what she will tell me or what she will come up with. I am hoping to feel more closure with my mom's death and I'm nervous I won't get that. Or maybe she won't bring anything up at all.

No looking back. I will let you know how everything goes!

This day.

I lost my true best friend. My very first best friend. My Mom. 

The one person who always had my back and would always say, "Call me when you get there." The one who I would bicker with but never called any names. So glad for that. The one who taught me how to be independent by letting me make my own decisions and mistakes. The only mother I will ever have.

I truly miss her everyday. Especially with all the wedding activities. Ladies, be thankful for the bickering with your mom over flowers. I would give anything for those moments now. 

To my Mom, My Angel

 I love you and miss you so. 

The ache in my heart will always be for you.

God has you in his keeping, I have you in my heart.

Some days.

Some days are rough.

Some days I want to call you just to chat like we used to.

Some days I just need a hug from you and to hear you say I love you.

Some days a little something reminds me of a memory and I am reminded of the hole left by your loss.

Some days these little memories make me smile and allow me to remember your life.

Some days are good.

Some days are better.

Some days I want you to bicker with me over wedding plans, telling me what I should be doing.

Some days something happens and I just want you to guide me in the right direction. 

Some days I wonder what you think of how I've grown in the past 3 years. Are you proud?

Some days are painful.

Some days I think about the relationship you and Brian would have been able to have. You always loved him.

Some days I cry over everything you will miss in our lives. Especially all the babies.

Some days the family just doesn't understand leaving behind Harmony. Moving on from where you belonged.

Some days I remember you are with grammy and pop pop and I know that's your place now. 

BUT.

Every day I miss you, Mom.

Sunday Social: Blog FAQ

Today is a Sunday filled with chores, lounging, speech writing, maybe a mani/pedi in there somewhere. 

1. What is the name of your blog and how did you come up with it??

It's called Life Somewhere in the Middle. I came up with when I first started the blog because my life felt somewhere in the middle. I had graduated college, didn't find a job. was still dealing with losing my mom and was just in that middle place.

2. What do you love the most about blogging??

I love writing anything. And blogging allows me to write what I want, when I want. No Agenda.  The fact that it is also a little community you get to be a part of is something I enjoy and I can't wait to grow mine!

3. What are your 2 favorite posts you've written?
 Tragedy Glasses

 It's a Love Story...Baby Just Say YES!!

4. What is something you'd want to tell someone just starting out in blog world?

Start on Blogger!! I started my blog on a random website because I wasn't sure I wanted people to read what I was writing. But I wish I had been on Blogger from the beginning 2 years ago. I could be much farther ;) And with that, don't be afraid to share what you write. It's your blog, your feelings, your life.

5. Biggest blogging learning experience you've had?

I'm still learning!

6. Give us 3 blogs we NEED to be following that you love.

1. An Organized Mess

2. These are the Moments

3. Adventures of Newlyweds
(Love her Fridays letters!)

And if I ever figure out how to add their buttons on the side I will!

20 year old Krista

So I stumbled across this interesting giveaway at 20sb. You are supposed to write a letter to yourself five years ago. I wasn't sure whether to participate but I'm so glad I did. In a way, this letter was therapeutic for me. Hope you enjoy! ps. this will get deep

Dear 20 year old Krista,

(Still as fun as ever)

In a few days, you will finally find out what is wrong with your knee and it looks like surgery is a week away. Trust me, it's worth it. But start wearing some Dr. Scholl's for Her now to prevent any problems. And be prepared for knee to swell like no other every once in awhile.

Be careful with the crutches. They are dangerous and require some skill. Don't try to take stairs with them days after you have surgery. Take up that offer to have someone come help you during the day otherwise you will end up with a sprained ankle which then leads to another fall where you pull your shoulder. And then years of ankle pain. Save yourself the trouble.

This time will also be known as your chubby year. But you will work it off in the next few months with physical therapy and limited alcohol due to the pain meds. And you will forever compare yourself to this semesters pictures to make sure you aren't hitting that chubby stage.

The next 4 months will be hard but unfortunately, not the worst of what's to come in the next 5 years. You will get through it and will have some amazing friends by your side along the way. Some will come and some will go, but the ones that stay are the ones that will get you through your darkest hours when the times become really tough. And they will. But trust me when I say, it actually turns out pretty ok. Just might have to break a few things first and yell a whole lot;)

Only 6 months until 21! And even though you have the drinking down, it becomes even more fun with bars and nightclubs. Always remember those glasses of water before bed to ward off the hangovers. And  trust me, try beer again. It will save you a ton a cash that would help when you leave school. Because you will have student loans to pay and they just don't go away. Your 21st year will be a fun one! And the year you will always look back on with fondness.

Cherish the summer spent home with mom because your crippled self can't go very far. Cherish watching Ghost Whisperer and Two and a Half Men. Always remember to thank her for helping you out the last 5 months because it wasn't an easy job. I mean, you were a bum that slept on the pull out for at least 2 months. that she chauffeured around.  Tell her everyday you love her and call her just because.

Keep talking to her about AXiD because when you give her those letters in May, she won't stop bragging about how happy they make her and how she wants to wear them whenever she can. And they will accompany her to heaven.

The plans you have for yourself at this moment are far from where you will be. But it will be ok. Times will be tough and you will be somewhere that makes you face everything with new meaning. You will know who to turn to for support and help. You will have an amazing boyfriend(eventual fiance) that lets you deal with your grief and gets you through the toughest day. Living with your sisters might prove to be hard in the next few months but they will be your healers when you just need to forget sometimes.

You will graduate with the most important person not there but when the sun shines, she will be there. It will be a tough day that you can't wait to get through. And sometimes you will look back and remember how you felt that day and how far you have come with your grief. She will also be missing when you move into your first apartment but bringing her things helps you feel close. She won't be your first call when you are engaged  but you have your whole family and friends to share in your joy.

You will become a stronger person than you are today and stronger than you ever thought you could be. Life will come at you fast but just remember it will get better. And it's your future self talking, not some person who says it over and over. I have lived it. You have an amazing fiance, family and the absolute best friends that deal with your different life structure. And above all, you will be happy and thankful for everything in your life. It might be a different plan, but it isn't a too shabby one.

And how could I forget to mention, that cat you've always wanted? She will come into your life just when you need her. She will be the cutest part of your life. Get ready for the ride the next 5 years!

This post is submitted as a part of the 20SB 5th Birthday Blog Carnival, sponsored by GlassesUSA.com.Submit your own post here.

Getting through the day

The past few weeks the emails, commercials and marketing tools for Mother's Day have been on and on. 

Four years later and it isn't any easier to hear or see, "Shower your mom with love." Or "Make sure to let your mom know how much she means to you this Mother's day."  Delete, mute, turn the corner.

I wouldn't say I'm bitter but I also wouldn't say I'm not. In a way I am bitter. Bitter that showering my mom with love means leaving flowers on her grave. Bitter that I can't call my mom on the phone or send her the flowers to show her how much she means to me. I just have to whisper it into the wind. 

But I'm also not bitter of the fact that I still have amazing other women in my life. Look at these women I get to send mother's day cards to. Women who are there for me and support me. 

And let's not forget I get to be a cat mommy to this cutie. Yes, I said that. 

Past years I have used the distraction to get me through the day. And it's worked. Even with all the commercials. The first year I spent it at school feverishly packing up all my belongings for the end of my college career and spending it with my man and best friend. 

Last year, I spent the day at work and it was a pleasant distraction. Dodging the question about what I was doing later with my mom wasn't the best but I made it through.

This year, it is all about positive energy. Doesn't matter what people think I should do or act on Mother's Day. It's about celebrating my mom and doing things in her honor or for her. Doing things that make me happy. 

Even though this week will continue to be hard for me, it's about dealing with it the best way I know how. The best way I can. And this year it will include finally! signing for a wedding venue! Something positive to deal with the sadness. 

Until then...just trying to get through.

Tragedy Glasses

An event resulting in great loss and misfortune.

It is said that when a tragedy occurs, you are never the same. From that day going forward who you are changes as you recover. Life is now "the me before" and "the me after." I call this, the tragedy glasses. 

Two years ago I was a different me. Losing my mother so suddenly and unexpectedly turned my world upside down and forever changed me. The days following were unreal and I kind of just floated through it. There were the phone calls, emails, facebook messages and occasional visits that featured the words, "I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you," etc. etc. The words and sentiments were felt and appreciated but I echoed every sentiment in my own head. I was sorry for my loss. I couldn't believe it happened. I was thinking about me and how I would deal with this. 

The next few months and year were filled with many tears. It was getting through the anger and resentment that it was my mom. My mom was gone and wouldn't be there for all the important moments in my life. No words would bring her back. There were only pictures left to remind me of my mom's beautiful smiling face. Unexplained moments would be filled with sadness and regret. 

The pain will never fade. Time will just continue creeping on. But it becomes easier to deal with as more time passes. It is easier to look back on the times with my mom and smile instead of cry. It is easier to be thankful for the great relationship and time I had with my mom than be angry that she is gone. I have become stronger and more resilient to life around me. The little things are just really tiny specs to me. I don't feel the need to dwell on something so silly when there are far more important things in life.

I look around, breathe and take in what I do have in life. It might not be the best of all situations but it is definitely not the worst. I go to a job everyday. have a place to live and have the greatest support system. Life is not ideal. It's a fact of life. Just have to go with it.

You also realize and affirm who your true support system is. When you are down and out, look around to see who is there to pick you up. Those are the people you want around in your life for many years to come. Those are the relationships you want to build on and foster. Not the occasional acquaintances that make an appearance once in awhile. This is something that comes out of tragedy.

Just how silly life is sometimes and how people go through it. This is what I see through my tragedy glasses.

-There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. ~ Washington Irving

I'll Be Sorrow Tomorrow

I’ll be sorrow tomorrow,

With me myself and I.

I’ll be sorrow tomorrow,

Holding myself while I cry.

I’ll be sorrow tomorrow,

While lying sleepless in my bed.

I’ll be sorrow the next day as one thought haunts my head.

And when I finally rest my lids and cease my icy breath,

That one thought will exist no longer,

That horrible thought of death.