The Definition of Marriage

Many people have a set standard for what marriage means: The union of a man and wife, who make a promise to each other to love each other and honor each. Or as the definition goes:

The legal union of a couple as spouses.  The basic elements of a marriage are: (1) the parties' legal ability to marry each other, (2) mutual consent of the parties, and (3) a marriage contract as required by law.

Right and wrong. Society has a way of telling us exactly what marriage is or should be made up of.

In my almost, 365 days of marriage, I have learned that there is no set definition of marriage. My marriage isn't like your marriage or my neighbor's marriage. It isn't what society is telling us our marriage should be.

My marriage?

I call it being with my best friend forever. Seeing every superhero movie on opening day. Enjoying weekend trips and vacations. Spontaneous dance parties. Sushi love.

I also get to wear these fancy rings on my finger for that reason. But hey, maybe rings don't work for you.

And marriage to someone else might be a completely different definition.

It might be two men, deeply in love, battling the stereotypes of society not letting them have that ultimate right to be recognized as married. But to them, it doesn't matter. To them they are married. They are committed.

Marriage might mean Nerf wars every Wednesday. Or maybe it's just Friday night snuggles on the couch. When you get married, if you want to slow down, slow down. If you want to still have nights out with friends, have nights out with friends.

Maybe it's a fast track on the baby train. Or the slow route or no route to the baby train. Marriage doesn't have to mean babies, babies, babies. {More on this conundrum in the future}

Your first year of marriage is about defining your marriage. Coming up with your own definition of what husband and wife means and being the best of both of those. But I will tell you what we have started to define our marriage as.

|| Being there for each other when there are good days and especially when there are bad days. It's important to let your husband or wife know you are their biggest supporter and biggest support system.

|| Understand each other and your new roles. Being the best husband and the best wife takes time. It doesn't just happen because you signed a paper and put the rings on your finger. Acknowledge that these roles will take time to evolve into what they are truly meant to be. Housewife status has not been acquired here, yet.

|| Be problems solvers, together. Work together to find the best solutions. Take into consideration the other person's wants and needs. Marriage does mean working together towards a common goal. Figure out what that goal is.

We have realized this past year, society, friends, family, can't define our marriage for us. We have to decide what we want our marriage to be and work hard on it to get there. Make our own definition of marriage. 

What's your definition of marriage?