Married, Not Pregnant and That's OK

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Before you get married, you hear" When are you getting married?" or "Why aren't you getting married yet?"

Then, when you get married it's all about having kids. I am pretty sure it was even mentioned a time or two at our wedding reception. They try to make it all cutesy and sweet but it's the basic, "So when are the kids coming?" "Kids anytime soon?"

I get it. I really do. Some people are excited (as we will be in the future) for us to start a family. Others just see it as the natural next step.However, I have noticed in the past year and a half, beyond the questions, that some people are becoming a little pushy and intrusive when it comes to this topic.

So today I want to address those people.

//Yes, I am aware of my age. I have been the one counting it for the past 27 years. Gasp. 27. Do my eggs dry up at the mention of how old I am or something? 30 is coming quickly and I can figure that out on my own.

//No, I am not pregnant even if I am drinking Ginger Ale. Sometimes the taste of Ginger Ale is refreshing. Let me drink my Ginger Ale in peace without you having a tricky eyebrow saying, "Oh, Ginger Ale huh?"

//Let this lady use the word craving without using all kinds of bug eyes and wondering aloud about the state of her uterus. How do women themselves forget PMS? During that time of the month there are some serious chocolate binges going on around here.

//Just because my uterus is not inhabited the first year does not mean I do not want kids. It just means I do not want them now. Why does it even have to automatically lead to this question? You are the one putting a timeline on me, not me. And maybe I really don't want kids, put that judgmental face away.

//It also doesn't mean I don't like kids. Once again, a little bit rude for you to just blurt this out because I say after a year a marriage we aren't ready for kids just yet. What if I desperately wanted kids and this question sends me into tears because we are having trouble?

//Being responsible enough to know when to bring a child into this world should be praised, not criticized. Careers are changing and last I checked babies can be expensive when you aren't asking everyone else for help. We want to support this kid on our own. Thank us for that.

Some couples are ready for kids as soon as they are married. Some married couples have chosen to not have kids. Then, there are couples like us who want to wait until we feel ready even if it years after we are married. All of these are choices the couples make on their own. You do not want to be the judgemental voice around them.

Now, I am off to drink some wine and eat some sushi. Because I'm married, not pregnant and that's ok.

Anything you have been asked regarding your timeline having kids?
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  1. Love this! There was a huge family rumor that I was preggo because I drank water at a family dinner. I mean seriously....can't a girl drink some water without being questioned??? :)

  2. I love this!! And I say that as someone who is currently pregnant. By the time our baby is born, we will have been married nearly 4 years, and I'm so glad we've had this time for the two of us. I think it will make us much better parents. I think you are so wise to wait until you feel ready. I experienced ALL of the same things the last few years. For so long I felt like the only woman not knocked up. I think my favorite (and by that I mean least favorite) part of not being pregnant was when everyone would assume I had morning sickness whenever I wouldn't feel well. Women with empty wombs feel sick too sometimes!

  3. That's so true. When I choose not to have a glass a wine, I get the stares and then immediately grab any alcohol. Just to say nope, not happening.

  4. Congratulations to you! We feel like after year two will be a great time for us. More settled, checking things off the before baby bucket list. I actually was out sick last week from work, next day straight out asked me if I was pregnant. How rude.

  5. I know it won't stop until we have kids so for now I guess we just have to keep rolling our own eyes. Only sometimes on the inside.

  6. Nothing can send me into a fiery rage like someone asking about babies. We don't want kids right now, BACK OFF. My MIL is the worst, always sending me pics of babies and commenting "Doesn't this make you want a baby?" NOTHING ABOUT A BABY MAKES ME WANT A BABY.

    *sigh* If you can't tell this is a tad bit of a sensitive subject for me. Haha! I'm glad I'm not alone though!

  7. Since I created a whole blog post about it, definite sensitive subject for me. You reminded I forgot I can't even look at a baby without someone saying, "Doesn't it make you want one?" No, no it does not.

  8. Yes! I totally agree! I feel like it gets asked of us ALL the time. And I feel like if I don't have a beer when I'm out, people assume I'm pregnant. It's annoying.

  9. HAHA! Clearly, this has been a year and a half in the making. People can be so judgmental sometimes about something so personal, so crazy.

  10. As we have more friends getting pregnant, I definitely feel that when we go out. They just assume we are on the same page. Nope, just don't want a drink tonight.

  11. Oh this is a touchy subject for me too. We've been married almost 5 years and most everyone (everyone that matters to us), know that we aren't planning on having kids, ever. Yes we are one of THOSE couples. And even then, every now and then we'll get a random family member (it's only a select few, they know who they are) who'll bring the subject up and give us this look like "What is wrong with you?" Excuse me that my life choices are bringing you so much distress, I'll just go over to this corner here and drink my glass or wine and hope that you don't feel any more angst :-)

  12. I feel like people are always in a hurry to ask you about the next stage in life. When are you getting married? When are you having kids? When are you having another?? You can never win. We were married 3 years before deciding to have kids and we soaked up every moment just the two of us. I don't regret it one bit!

  13. Just having to say One of THOSE couples is exactly what I mean. Why do you have to even be called one of THOSE just because you are choosing something different and that works better for you. I deal with wine too, it helps.

  14. That's exactly why we are waiting a little bit. We still have some growing to get done as a married couple before we add kids into the mix.


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