The Dentist

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Guys and gals, I legit hate the dentist. So much so I avoided it for almost 5 years. Yes, go ahead and gasp.

The whole concept of pain in my mouth, slobbering, and drilling of teeth does not appeal to me. 

But I finally made the trip two weeks ago and was told I was a very good brusher. No surface stains and less buildup of plaque. But what I am not good at is flossing.

It has cost me a few cavities and just a few (3) follow up visits to the dentist. Go me! 

Yesterday was my first of 3 returns and I would just like to recap the 2 hours of thoughts I had as I had to keep my trap shut for a good few hours. 

A little pre drilling chit chat about thanksgivings and Black Fridays. 

Then some sponges in my mouth followed by poking of needles. 

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch! 

Oh hey, I'm numb.

Dentist:You want to spit in that funnel?

Oh sure. Crap, did you actually mean all over this pretty bib on me because I can't feel my face properly. 

Well this contraption is funny. 

Dentist:It holds back your tongue and sucks the water out.

I wonder how attractive I look with this. I would never bring my husband to the dentist with me, this is the least attractive I could look. Hmm maybe that's a blog post.

Dentist:I'm going to need to breathe out of your nose, not your mouth. 

How in the heck do I do that? 

These lights look different than 5 years ago. Much smaller. And I can't see myself.

Oh gross. What is that smell? Is that my burning tooth. 

I wonder what Lily is doing at home. Hopefully sleeping or playing. 

Krista, are you breathing out of your nose? I have no idea! 

Ok that thing he's putting my mouth looks pink. I wonder what it does. I hope it stays in and I can have a pink accessory in my teeth. Actually, not. He kept it in there. Will he take that back out?

Dentist: So I found out my old assistant is pregnant with twins. It's going to be interesting for her to adjust.  {talking to the dental hygienist}

Oh cute your assistant is having twins! How old is she? You know this is multiple times in the past few weeks I have heard about twins. The universe better not be telling me something. 

What are the pliers for? Oh, the pink thing came out. That's good. 

That looks like a stapler, and it says 3m. They make sticky things. What's sticking in my mouth? Is a command strip holding my stuff in?

Wait, am I breathing out of my mouth or nose? 

I hear my phone vibrating. Not to self to turn it off on the next visit. Probably husband. Since he called me earlier worried about me. Since I obviously LOVE the dentist. And he LOVES me.

Dentist:Does everyone know you can't answer the phone right now since they are calling you? ha ha

Yes, let's make jokes about my texts and phone calls while I am stuffed in the mouth with this contraption. 

Oh, you're taking a break? Is this difficult for you to go through? An hour hour to go.

Dentist:My wife's Christmas party is pretty big this year. In AC at the Borgota.  {chatting with the dental hygienist}

That's fun about your Christmas party. Where does your wife work? 

You love horses me too. I actually used to have one in my backyard. Pretty cool I know. 

My nose is getting congested. Ok maybe panicking because I can't swallow right. What if the water comes through and I start to choke? 

Why are you shoving up on my tooth? I can actually feel that. Can't feel my whole cheek but can feel you pressing into my tooth. Fantastic. Yes, keep that up.

Are we done yet? Oh wait you still have to put that blue shiny thing in again that is burning my mouth. Fantastic.

Your light is blinking. Are you trying to make this a party? Because this is definitely not a party in my mouth.

Dentist: I'll be right back I have to change my battery in the light.

Wait. Flashbacks of Final Destination.

Why isn't the hygenist watching me? Please turn around and stop cleaning.

Seriously, I do not want to sit here with this thing in my mouth any longer. I will spit this out. Dare me.

Oh, good you're back and I'm alive.

But why is there more of that blue light. What is it doing in my teeth?

Dentist: Floss please.

Oh, you're going to floss my teeth. Perfect. Ouch that actually hurts.
* Side note: Dentist could not get the floss out of my teeth. Like literally.

Yes, keep tugging that feels great. Actually, that hurts. Are you pulling out my teeth?

Dentist: Ok, we are done. Accomplished a lot today. Now just rinse. 

I'm free!!!!!!

Dentist: See you next week!


and just for fun, how I smile when I have a half a mouth of Novocain.



  1. I just had my insurance renewal and decided to take our dental policy since I've become paranoid about cavities. I'm sure I will have a post like this soon. uggh. I hate the dentist

  2. Trust me when I say, I will never wait again lol


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