What do you do when you don't know where you'll end up?

Sunday, July 25, 2010

That's my question now. I am moving out of my house slowly but surely it is coming. Yet I have no idea where I am going.

Everyone thinks it is so easy to be able to move anywhere I want but alas easy is so far from the word. I am octupus like at the moment. Someone is telling me move here, another is saying to move there but then there is the possiblity of staying around here and keeping the job I have. Granted not the most excellent job but still a paycheck every 2 weeks.

So what do I do? Move to the one place and upset one person or move to the other and upset someone else or just up and leave the country? Leave the country, hmmm. Just kiddingggg. Not an option. At least right now. But everyday it seems more and more appealing.

The thought of starting fresh in a brand new place is exciting and scary. But I do feel like I would enjoy that. If only that new place had a job waiting for me and included a boyfriend who wanted to do that.

Such is life I suppose. These are the moments I miss my mom the most. The moments I am freaking out and want to say ahhhh Mom what do I do?! And she sits there and says I don't know Krista. Why don't you (fill in the blanks)? I then say no I can't do that because (fill in the blanks) Such it would go until my Mom would talk me through it and see my pros and cons and lead me to my decision. That is what we did. I want that back. These decisions are too much to make on my own. Big girl or not. I want my Mom's help.

As more and more boxes are packed and offers are being made on the house, my reality is coming true. And I can't seem to make the decision that is going to change my life in one way or another. 

This is the first time I look to the future and it is all jumbled. I don't know where I will be in a month or with who. Or if I will even have the same job or another job. And that is the scariest part. The unknown. A black abyss of wonder. Lily is there.

She has to be I take her where I go. Family is there the most they have been the past year. I hope friends are there but friendships alter and change through life that wherever I go the question is, will they survive? Brian is there. Hopefully he follows me where I go..he better or else :) 

Life isn't on hold by any means. It's weighing on my shoulders so how could I forget it's there? Just want my steady feet and ground back. But somehow I think that will now take a long while.

-I've learned never to be surprised if what must inevitably happen happens right now. ~Robert Brault

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