When Brian and I moved in together, there were a lot of tasks we did differently than each other. For example, he washes dishes right after dinner where I throw them in the dishwasher or leave them until morning. When I clean, I turn on a good Kesha mix and drift from room to room where Brian likes his party mix to be playing and tackles one room at a time. It took some time to get used to these differences but we have fallen into them after living together over a year.

We all have different processes, different ways of doing things. It should be no surprise that we feel love in different ways and expect to be loved in different ways. It's our own Love Language. And just as we have different processes, we all have different love languages we need to adapt to.


Gary Chapman introduced the Love Languages in his bestselling book, "The 5 Love Languages."  He tells us that each person has their own love language and being shown their language allows for a more satisfied and deeper connection.

As newlyweds, I think this is a fantastic tool. The first year of marriage, you are really learning the other person as your spouse. It's a different kind of love that you need to be able to learn to show for the rest of your life.

There are 5 Love Languages you can have, one being your most dominant and therefore, your love language. As newlyweds, here is how you can adapt your Love Language to your newlywed year of marriage.


Acts of Service
My Love Language

Cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming floors, taking out the trash. All say I love You to to this Love Language. It's showing you care by easing them of the burden of these tasks. And anything that adds to your burden shows you care less about this person's feelings.

Newlyweds: Make a list of what tasks you would like your spouse to be doing. Compare notes and adjust. Remember all the small acts of love you did back when you were dating; they would work now.



 

Quality Time 
Brian's Love Language

This is about spending time with this person but not just that. They want meaningful conversation with depth. It also means turning off the phone, really being there and in the moment with your partner. All of this shows them you care. Where being constantly distracted shows just the opposite.

Newlyweds: Communicate to really understand each other during your first year of marriage. Any frustrations, joys that may arise. Putting date nights into your budget and calendar. Putting your new spouse first.

Words of Affirmation

Just simply saying, "I Love You" is enough for some people that love with this language. They just want genuine compliments to know how much you truly care. And any negative comments can really hurt this person, more than most.

Newlyweds: Love notes with "husband" or "wife" written around your home. Not raising your voice during the first year squabbles. Forgive as the first year of marriage is all a learning experience.

Physical Touch
Holding hands, a brief peck on the cheek or just a good cuddle is all this person is looking for. It doesn't always have to lead to more intimate physical acts. Just feeling your presence is all this person asks for to demonstrate love. 

Newlyweds: This might not be the hardest thing you have to do the first year ;) Holding hands on date nights, a hug everyday when you get home from work, a nice massage. Just physical signs to say "I Love You."

Receiving Gifts
This doesn't mean the person judges love by material things, it can even be a simple gesture that demonstrates it. A homemade card, making dinner or remembering little moments from your relationship. This person loves the thought that goes behind all of these the most and that is how they see the love from you.
Newlyweds: All the "firsts" matter. 1st Christmas, 1st date night, 1st birthday. Making them special with your own personal touch would go a long way. And it doesn't have to break your budget!







Since we have taken this test, we have truly looked at the love language of each of us. When we are watching tv or a movie, I try to put the phone down, step away from Twitter and cuddle with Brian. Working nights and weekends on occasion, have me missing these special moments and the opportunity to show him love at those moments. I need to make more of an effort to understand his love language.

Brian has really taken to helping me out around the apartment even more since we have discussed this. He celebrates his own wins  "Hey! Look! I took out the trash!" and I do too. I love him for doing it and for being so receptive to understanding how we each feel love. It has definitely helped me feel less of a burden when he is taking on extra chores or responsibilities.

If you are married and haven't taken the Love Languages quiz, I strongly suggest you do. It really has opened our eyes to how the other person wants to be loved and we have already adjusted how we do things. And it actually doesn't take as much convincing as I thought for the husbands!

What is your love language? Do you agree with your results?

Bringing the Happy into April

Hi there April!

New month, spring looks like it might be poking it's head around the corner and I am ready to get out of this funk I am in. It's a funk that makes me want more than I have, hate on things that should be bringing me joy and just all around being a cranky pants.

I have decided April is the month that changes. I am starting a couple of challenges, fun things, projects to really help me out. To really focus on the bigger picture of how great life is for me right now. And the things that aren't so great, will work out.

1. 100 Days of Happy

This is the true happy of happy challenges. You take a picture everyday for 100 days of what makes you happy. Even on those bad days there is one thing in your life that is happy. Sometimes we forget this and I know I need to focus on these little happy parts of my day more.

Follow along with me on Instagram #100HappyMoyDays

2. 30 Day Beach Body Workout

Time to get this butt in gear. Give me those endorphins, please.

The 30 Day Beach Body Workout includes simple workouts of bicycle crunches, planks, high knees and then there are some difficult ones like burpees and plank walks. At least for me as these arms are in the scrawny zone right now.

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3. Wife After God

Two things I rarely talk about on here, politics and religion. Religion is not a huge part of our lives currently but I grew up going to church every Sunday then Sunday School then Youth Group. One day, it tapered off to less and less but I never stopped believing that God is a part of our lives. And now that I am married and struggling with things in my life, I am trying to really let this part of my life back in. Maybe this is why I am struggling because I haven't been giving God the time that I should.

I stumbled upon the Wife After God series a couple months ago and I made it through 2 weeks of it before I kind of veered off, skipped some days and then just stopped. But this month, I am determined to see it all the way through and really learn that my marriage is a true blessing from God and it is a reflection of His love for us.




This month, I am determined to come out of it a much better person. For me, my husband and my family.

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What are your goals for April? Anything you do that gets you out of a funk?

The Girl with the Yellow Umbrella

Tonight, is the night where How I met your Mother comes to an end. For 9 years, we have watched Future Ted tell his kids the story of How he met their mother.

"Kids, there's more than one story of how I met your mother. You know the short version, the thing with your mom's yellow umbrella, but there's a bigger story ..."

The show has followed, Ted Mosby, as he navigates life with his best friends, Marshall, Lily, Barney and Robin, trying to find "the girl with the yellow umbrella." And spending a lot of time in their local pub, MacLaren's.

There have been,..legen...wait for it...DARY!, LEGENDARY. moments between this friends. Slap bets, Robin Sparkles, Barney teaching "The Bro Code" as he lots of tips and tricks for women, all the while SUITING UP. Moments you can laugh with, cry with and just overall, say WHAAAT??
 

We have watched since it has started and it has been a huge part of our lives. Might sound silly for a TV show but it's true. My mom was chuckling in the living room one night and I asked her what she was watching, it was How I Met Your Mother. She told me all about the story and I watched Robin sparkles sing, "Let's Go to the Mall," with my mom.

I talked with Brian about it and he too had started to watch the show. As the years went on, he quoted the show. Talked about it with friends. Tweeted about it. I watched the first 3 seasons on my old desktop computer trying to frantically catch up 5 years ago. Since then, I have also followed along.

How I Met Your Mother has spent birthdays with us.

Sent HIMYM clues for his birthday present of all 4 seasons!

 Christmases.

Notice the pineapple? ;)

Even Lily has joined in on the HIMYM watching.

Notice, she's also named Lily.

On June 7th, my wedding day, I was even "the girl with the yellow umbrella." My groom gifted to me a yellow umbrella on the morning of our wedding day as I had been so upset about the rain that would be coming down on our wedding day. It was a reminder, rain or no rain, I was his "girl with the yellow umbrella."

Lucky gal I am.

As we watch the last How I Met Your Mother, just a little thanks.

Thanks..

...For taking us through the past 9 years, always believing in destiny and stealing that blue french horn, Ted.

...For coining the term "lawyered" even when it had to do with food, being AWESOME at game night and for shaving your head on your wedding day, Marshall.

...For hating the word "moist", being the Slap Bet commissioner and for always thinking you are the matchmaker, Lily.

...For being Canadian, Robin Sparkles and using literally in pretty much every sentence, Robin.

...For all the inappropriate jokes, inventing "The Bro Code" and having 2 epic proposals, Barney.


...For giving us one heck of a show.
Farewell How I Met Your Mother.

How to Set a Budget in 5 Steps

Budgeting. Not a very fun thing. We were bad adults and didn't really set a budget until a few months ago. It was more of a, How in the heck do we set a budget? rather than simply just not wanting to.

In the end it actually wasn't as hard as I thought. It took a little legwork of about an hour, but I did get to play with highlighters! This is what I did to finally tackle the dreaded budget.

Gather Supplies
...Bank statement, credit card bills. I even went deep and took all the Target receipts and assessed the amount of fun, groceries, etc.

 ...Highlighters. Choose as many colors as you need, depending on how you want to break up categories.

Here is how I used each color of my highlighters

Orange-Student loans
Purple-Bills/Utilities
Green-Groceries/Food
Blue-Fun

...Monthly Budget Planner.

Calculate

...Monthly income. Any income that comes in the form of a check to your household.

...The categories. Time to really dig deep and see the number form in each category. The fun and groceries were our biggest "ouch." We knew it wasn't going to be pretty once we arrived at the final number.

Subtract

...From your monthly income, subtract anything that is a set expense. These are the student loans, monthly credit card bills, some utilities. The amount you are left with after this....This is now your NEW MONTHLY INCOME.

Why? This is the amount you have left to work with every month and is a realistic look at how you really need to be budgeting for non essential items. It will help cut down on some of the larger spent categories from step 2.

...From your NEW MONTHLY INCOME; subtract the rest of your expenses from the previous month. get ready, this might hurt. Similar to ripping off a band-aid. It came as a shock to us how little we had left to go into our savings and made a lot of sense why we were struggling with that.

Evaluate

...Where is the category out of control. Shocker, it will most often be your fun category. This is eating out, going out, picking up movies, shopping at Target (ouch). It will have the most wiggle room for you to cut back on.

...Where can you cut down your spending Groceries came in a close second for us after "fun." Coupons might be an option or starting up a meal plan so you aren't digging into that fun category too. Really look at what fits within your lifestyle to cut back on. We even looked into how we might be able to get rid of our cable. Still working on that one but I'm trying to cut that back.

Set goals

Now that you have seen how much you spent last month in the Fun category, set a goal for how much less you want to have in that category by the end of this month. Do this for every category that is not set.

...make an action plan for each of these. To cut down on fun and groceries, we made the plan to utilize coupons when we are able to and to plan out our meals to cut down on groceries and eating take out.

Congratulations, you now have a budget!!! Take a deep breath. You can do it. You will do it and save yourself a lot of moola.