Living with Pain

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Life lately has been through so many ups and downs. And I wish I could say I was exaggerating even the slightest.

Just like everyone else it's hard to have people understand what it's actually like to wake up in pain ever day. What it's like to not be able to chew food normally without pain. What it's like to be on a medicine schedule. What it's like to wake up to another ailment like your knee deciding it wants to not work again.

I wish I was exaggerating. I wish I could make it all go away. I was I could say I was making it all of it up. I wish some days that people understood. 

These are basically all my feelings

Bottom line: I can't help what people think. I can't help what people perceive. 

Do I wish I didn't want to just sit on my couch all the time? Of course. But going out physically hurts me. 

Do I wish I was nit spending my lunch break calling doctor after doctor? Of course. I have businesses to run! 

Do I wish I wasn't the crankier person ever some days? Of course. I want to laugh and eat crunchy food like every one else. 

Through all of this, I've come to realize is that no one can understand what I'm going through, what I'm feeling and that's ok. 

There comes a time when I'm worried about what people think when I cancel plans or what people are saying about me "complaining."

Worrying just makes it worse. I have to make sure I'm ok. Make sure I'm taking care of me. The people that do understand are the ones I want around. The ones that know I want more than anything to be a normal functioning human being. I don't want the ones that get upset because I don't go out or make judgments based on the bits of information of giving them. 

I wake up in pain every day. I've been to the doctor 23 times since November. That's more than I have very been in the last 5 years combined. I know there are people who have worse problems, it's just hard getting people to understand. 

Ok, that's my whiny, woe is me post for the month. Actually, probably not but it felt good.

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